his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
