He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Watching her eat just hurts me
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
