I wanna bring you to show and tell
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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