are you so shy because you have an std?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
