Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
