I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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