I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
