Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I cut my penus on the lid.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
