I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
