I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
