That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
