I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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