I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize