If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I could make wine with my vomit
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She bit a glass in half.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
