I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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