bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
