Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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