I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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