Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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