i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
