I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
how drunk are you?
Several
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
