I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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