You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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