when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
