you would pick up someone in the library
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
