She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
