my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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