I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
