the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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