i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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