I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
