What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
