wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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