Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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