She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
