I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
