i think my tv is drunk
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i love accidental penises.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
