Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
