Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
