I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
