well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
