Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
