You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
