We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
