It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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