never play flip cup with pint glasses
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
