Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize