Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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