could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she looked like the before picture.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
