I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
