And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
