I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
