Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
