just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
