Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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