he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
