Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
