Ambien. No doubt about it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you win again, gameday.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
