I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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