Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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