When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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