I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
