You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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