Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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