Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize