I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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