I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
