From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
