You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
