Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
