his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
