I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
