You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
