I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
