That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
