I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
