You really coming over, don't trick.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
