Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
