I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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