; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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