I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
