I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
