Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
