I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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