If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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