apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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