Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
