nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
