ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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