I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
