wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i wish my penis had a tongue
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
