I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
